The "Sleep? Never Heard of Her" Diaries

The "Sleep? Never Heard of Her" Diaries

​We’ve all been there: staring at the clock, doing the exhausted math. If I close my eyes this exact second, I can squeeze out five hours. It’s a desperate calculation, and it’s usually the first step into a long night of sleep-deprived chaos.

​Last night, that was my reality. No sooner did I settle in than my throat decided it was the perfect time for a tickle. Not a normal tickle, but the kind that demands a cough every five minutes, making sleep an impossible game of tag.

​Just as my brain finally started to surrender to the void, the dog decided she needed a midnight excursion. Fine. But of course, she wasn't just doing her business; she returned in full "clingy" mode, refusing to go back to her crate. Desperate not to wake my husband—who, like everyone else in this house, is a gamer who definitely needs his rest—I retreated to the couch.

​I’m sure you know the "couch shuffle." No matter how you position yourself, it’s never quite right. Then, just as I was drifting off again, the silence was shattered by a door opening and slamming shut. I popped up to check on my oldest, only to find him frozen in the hallway because I’d turned all the lights off and he was spooked.

​Two hours of "rest" gone. By then, the math had changed: now I was down to three hours.

​Those final three hours? They were a masterclass in misery. Without a proper pillow, I resorted to bundling up blankets to cradle my head, tossing and turning while that persistent drainage made sure my throat stayed agitated. I ended up chugging an entire 40oz of water just to keep it quiet, which—naturally—meant I spent the rest of the morning feeling like I was going to burst.

​And now? The alarm has gone off. It’s time for a "fun-filled" day starting with work, followed by a trip to the doctor, and ending with a Whatnot show. I’m hoping for a shower and a real bed by tonight, just so I can wake up and do it all over again.

​(Note the heavy, heavy sarcasm).

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